What Now?

What is next after the Supreme Court's ruling in Dobbs? I have been trying to come up with a concise way of thinking about that for the last month or so. Recently on a podcast I heard Henry Olsen, a Washington Post opinion columnist and polling expert, give the following post-Dobbs action plan which I think best expresses my thoughts:

“Overturning Roe, in hindsight, will be seen as the easy part. And I know that sounds like an absurd thing to say, since it took us almost 50 years to overturn Roe. But the fact is that the majority of American public opinion says that life within the womb in the first trimester (when the vast majority of abortions occur) does not deserve legal protection. They do not see the unborn child at that stage as sufficiently human to demand protection of the law. That opinion can change, it was different 60 years or 70 years ago, but that’s the battle that pro-lifer’s need to fight.

Jeremy Gorr in conversation with some students at UCLA in May, 2022.

“We can eliminate abortion extensively throughout the nation only when we change public opinion in that way. That’s the real battle, changing public opinion about the legal status and the human status of the unborn child in the first trimester. When we win that battle, we will win nationwide. Until we win that battle, it will always be a case of carving out enclaves and doing what we can.”

(“Life After Dobbs,” Episode 9, 33:58)

We convinced five judges, now we must convince 300 million Americans.

Attitude Can Make or Break the Conversation

Recently, veteran JFA trainer Rebecca Hotovy found an unsent email in her drafts folder. It contained a nearly complete newsletter detailing a conversation from years back. I was so taken with it, I wanted to share it with you. (Rebecca still coaches other JFA speakers part-time during brief breaks from her full-time job as mom to two precious boys.)

We know this story definitely happened at the University of Oklahoma, and we think it happened around 2015. Whatever the date, the story beautifully illustrates the power of JFA’s dialogue approach, the power of a few carefully crafted questions asked with an open heart, and the way in which our attitude has the power to make or break a conversation. - Steve Wagner, Executive Director

---

Impact Report, June 2022

Rebecca Hotovy, JFA Trainer Certification Coach and Trainer Emeritus

 Several years ago at the University of Oklahoma (OU), as I stood next to the large exhibit, a young man approached me. I’ll call him Chris. Confident that abortion was a woman’s right, Chris started to explain why he felt abortion should remain legal. Several feet from me stood another man, likely twenty to thirty years older than Chris. Although this older man was not a volunteer with Justice For All, he held a pro-life view. He was close enough to hear my conversation with Chris, and as the conversation continued, he listened in.

View fullsize

Rebecca (center) interacts with an OU student in 2015 near a small version of the JFA Exhibit.

In the first few minutes of that discussion, I took time to figure out the reasoning behind Chris’s belief that abortion should remain legal. Without first understanding why Chris held his view or how he came to the conclusion that abortion should remain legal, I knew I wouldn’t be able help him see errors in his reasoning. I was also aware that blatantly pointing out any errors may upset him enough that he would end the conversation. If he didn’t end the conversation but he stayed and continued talking, it would likely make him put up barriers of self-defense that would prevent him from wanting to listen to the ideas being presented, even if he was physically present and talking. Sadly, I’ve seen this happen many times – two people begin to dialogue about a controversial subject, quickly start defending their own positions, and turn a conversation into two monologues because they feel offended. If they feel offended for whatever reason, they may hear words coming from the other person’s mouth, but they don’t listen to the meaning of the message of those words.

In my conversation with Chris, over time it became clear that he did not believe the unborn was biologically human. When I felt I had built a good rapport with him, I allowed our conversation to take a turn. I started asking questions not just to discover his reasoning in defense of legal abortion but also to challenge that reasoning. At this point in the conversation I knew he would welcome the challenge because he could see that I didn’t desire to push my agenda down his throat. The challenge questions I asked were exactly the ones we train participants to ask when they attend the Abortion: From Debate to Dialogue seminar. I said something like:

Rebecca: Chris, do you mean that you don’t believe the unborn is biologically a human being or that the unborn isn’t a human being that deserves the same rights as you and I do?

Chris: Oh, it’s not biologically a human being at all. It’s just a clump of cells in those early stages.

Rebecca: If I could offer evidence for why the unborn is a human being, would you mind?

Chris: Sure. Go ahead.

Rebecca: If the unborn is growing, isn’t it alive?

Chris: [pausing and then slowly nodding his head] Yeah, sure I can agree with that.

Rebecca: If the unborn has human parents, isn’t it human?

Chris: [pausing and pondering the question with a slight grin on his face] Yes.

It was his answer to my third question, though, that threw me for a loop.

Rebecca: And living human beings, like you and me, are valuable, aren’t they?

Chris: Oh my gosh. Yes.

There was another moment of silence as he continued to ponder the questions I had just asked that laid out a defense for the humanity of the unborn. We stood in silence for a while longer. Then he said something like:

Chris: Wow, okay, so I need to think through this more.

This was so unexpected to me because most students I talk to do not agree with each of these questions. They have all sorts of creative ideas to share, such as “Well, fire grows, and it’s not alive” or “Yeah, well a clump of cells might be alive and have human DNA, but that doesn’t mean it is a human being...Are tumors human beings?” or “Sperm are alive and have human DNA. Are all sperm valuable, too?”

Chris didn’t have any retorts like these. He simply agreed that the unborn was a human being.

Just as I thought the conversation was going really well, it took a turn for the worse. The pro-life man who had been listening in stepped close enough to us to join the conversation, turned to Chris, and snootily remarked, “She got ya! Didn’t she‽”

My heart dropped to my stomach. I had taken such care not to make Chris feel like I was attacking his position and to make him feel comfortable sharing his thoughts with me, and in less than three seconds someone who claimed to be pro-life obliterated all my efforts. Chris was as shocked as I was. His face showed it. He also became really nervous and started stumbling over his words.

One would think that I would easily become frustrated with people who hold beliefs against the dignity and sanctity of human life, but in this instance I became frustrated instead with this person who was like-minded to me in certain ways but didn’t realize the importance of treating the human standing in front of us with respect. Fortunately, I was able to jump back into the conversation, regain a good rapport with Chris, direct the conversation away from the “got ya” remark, and help him feel less nervous.

In hindsight, I now take another step back and realize that the art of learning to dialogue is a journey for everyone – the pro-life advocate and the pro-choice advocate alike. Prior to my training and work with Justice For All, if I had been that pro-life person standing there listening in on the conversation, I may have made a similar remark. Early on I didn’t understand that the way I shared the truth about the unborn could actually affect whether that truth helped pro-choice advocates change their minds. Thank you, Justice For All, for your gift of teaching me the beauty of dialoguing in love!

Note: Yes, that’s an intentional interrobang in the fourth from the last paragraph. Learn more about this controversial punctuation mark through this engaging podcast episode from 99 Percent Invisible.

Want to Make a Moral Impact? Help People Stop and Engage.

View fullsize

As our team joined me in Washington, DC last month for the March for Life and the National Pro-Life Summit conference, we were looking for ways to make a moral impact rather than to make just a moral statement (see my January letter for more on this).

At the march, we decided to join the masses with hand-made signs. At the last minute, I decided to pull JFA’s “Hope of Change” exhibit sign from the van. The sign features a Margot Rogers image of the unborn adorned with the same art style as Obama’s iconic campaign signs. We debated whether we would regret carrying the 2x4 foot sign around DC, but just after we settled ourselves on the lawn near the Washington monument, an AP Wire reporter approached wanting to know what the sign was about. The sign had done its job: it caused the viewer to stop and engage. (See pictures from the march at JFA’s Instagram page).

View fullsize

After the march, the main work of the day began: we boarded the metro to head to the offices of the Leadership Institute about 15 minutes outside the city. There we presented an interactive dialogue workshop to students from Colorado Christian University along with various others we had invited – about 50 in total. Why did we make this event interactive, featuring a heavy dose of role-play practice? We wanted these participants to stop being mere spectators of abortion discussions and instead engage those around them. So, we used the same emphasis in the workshop itself: we expected participants to engage with what we were teaching by practicing it themselves right there and then.

The same concern animated our team the next day at the National Pro-Life Summit hosted by Students for Life of America (SFLA). We were in the exhibitor hall where participants in the conference might walk by our table only once during the day. How could we help them stop and engage with the need to be trained to dialogue?

View fullsize

View fullsize

See more images on Instagram.

We decided that what stops pro-life advocates in a conference is probably not much different than what stops pro-choice advocates during our outreach events. On campus our poll tables and free speech boards are our most dependable tools that cause people to stop and engage, especially when coupled with an exhibit that challenges the status quo on abortion. (See JFA’s Instagram page for pictures from our February events at three Texas universities: UTSA, Texas State, and Tarleton State.) At this conference filled with passionate pro-life advocates, then, we decided to create special free speech boards with big questions to help these particular passersby stop and engage. It worked beautifully, as you can see from the conference pictures. We had a steady stream of conversations throughout the day about the need for training in dialogue.

Please pray for our upcoming seminar, workshop, and outreach events, that each will help pro-life advocates to stop and engage in learning to dialogue so that they can help pro-choice advocates to stop and engage in rethinking their positions on abortion.

How can you use this concept in your own life to help those around you stop and engage? I suggest sharing a picture of a free speech board from the conference with a pro-life friend, and ask, “How would you answer the question JFA asked on this conference free speech board?”

---

Recent and Upcoming Events

1/21 March for Life & Workshop (Washington, DC)

1/22 National Pro-Life Summit (Hosted by SFLA)

1/30-31 Workshops in Denton & Stephenville (TX)

2/1-2 Outreach at Tarleton State (Stephenville, TX)

2/13 Seminars (San Marcos & San Antonio, TX)

2/14-17 Outreach at Texas State & UTSA (TX)

2/23 UNL Club Meeting Presentation (Lincoln, NE)

2/26-27 Seminars (Wichita, KS)

2/28-3/1 Outreach at Wichita State (KS)

2/28-3/3 Love3 Interactive Workshop (Online)

March-May Outreach Events in AZ, CO, CA, KS

5/2-5 Love3 Interactive Workshop (Online)

See the JFA Calendar for more events and details!

See Instagram for pictures of recent events!

---

A Thought About Back-Alley Abortion

I recommend reading all of Steve Wagner’s article on back-alley abortion, but I wanted to note this section towards the end:

Deal with the More Sophisticated Version

Much of the time, the back-alley concern masks the fact that an abortion advocate is assuming the unborn is not a human being. In other words, she is saying, “It’s wrong to make a surgery more dangerous if it is innocuous.” We can agree in principle, then show that the unborn is a human being and the surgery is not innocuous at all.

Once we’ve made our case, the abortion advocate will likely shift to a more sophisticated argument:

“Even if abortion kills a human being, isn’t it better for fewer people to die (at least we can save the mother)? It is better that at least the mother live, than that she and her fetus should die in the back alley. Isn’t it worse for two to die than one?”

This argument assumes that the mother has no other choice but to kill the child. But, of course, she does have alternatives. As I like to say, she has a third option. It’s not, “Either she kills the child by legal abortion or she kills herself and her child by illegal abortion.” The third option is that she can refrain from killing anyone!

Abortion: From Debate to Dialogue – The Interactive Guide (v. 3.32), pp. 165-166 © 2019 Justice For All, Inc.

Moral Statement or Moral Impact?

As I write this, seven members of the JFA team are heading towards airports to fly to Washington D.C. to participate with me in the March for Life (Friday, 1/21) and the National Pro-Life Summit (Saturday, 1/22). Since we’ll be marching in opposition to legal abortion, it makes sense that we’d reflect on a question I remember Greg Koukl (str.org) asking years ago that has always stuck with me: Do you want to make a moral statement or a moral impact?

The question is phrased in such a way that it could be seen as purely rhetorical: Obviously we want to make an impact. There isn’t much value to making a statement if in making it we fail to make an impact. Or worse, what if we make an impact contrary to the one we’re intending?

The question is not purely rhetorical, though, because many people are very satisfied with simply making a statement, and many have never reflected on how we might choose particular activities that are more likely to make an impact. Here’s how I reflect and respond:

Our team doesn’t march simply to make the appropriate statement against legal abortion. We are in DC to multiply our work of training a different kind of advocate to create a different kind of conversation that changes hearts and minds. Changing minds, after all, is essential to protecting unborn children in a democratic society, and protecting the unborn is the moral impact that all of the marchers long to see. Please pray with us, then, that through these events we’ll find and inspire potential interns who want to learn to train others, leaders who want us to train the people in their care, and individual pro-life activists who can make a greater impact with the tools we teach.

---

Recent Instagram Post

Recent and Upcoming Events

1/13 Workshop: Young Adults Group (Lincoln, NE)

1/15 Seminar: Homeschool Group (Lincoln, NE)

1/15 San Diego Walk for Life (San Diego, CA)

1/21 March for Life Activities (Washington, DC)

1/21 Workshop: Various Groups (Washington, DC)

1/22 National Pro-Life Summit (Hosted by SFLA)

1/30 Seminar (Denton, TX)

2/13 Seminar (Near San Marcos, TX)

2/14-15 Outreach at Texas State (San Marcos, TX)

See www.jfaweb.org/calendar for more events!

A Big Change for Chase

Tammy (left) and Rose (in red) talk with Chase at WSU in September 2021.

What a wonderful fall semester! It has been such a joy to be back on campus and having in-person conversations with students. I participated in JFA events in Kansas, Colorado, and Oklahoma. At a small campus outreach event at Wichita State University (WSU) in September, I had a memorable conversation with a student that lasted nearly an hour. I think you’ll be delighted at the outcome.

I was standing with Rose, JFA intern, in front of our Should Abortion Remain Legal poll sign. We met a student named Chase. He didn’t sign our poll, but instead asked our opinion. So I briefly explained our pro-life view. He said that he would vote yes because people are going to do it anyway and we should keep it safe. I asked if he was pro-choice, and he said yes.

Seeking to find common ground I asked, “Should it be legal when done for sex selection? As a form of birth control? During the late term?” He didn’t think it should be legal for any of those reasons. I remarked that there’s a lot on which we agree. He smiled and shook his head affirmatively.

“Invitation to Dialogue” Brochure, pp. 4-5 (Get your own copy here.)

I began explaining the JFA “Invitation to Dialogue” Brochure. I gave a summary of basic human reproduction and biology on the pages depicting stages of human life, before and after birth. He agreed that the unborn is a developing human at fertilization, but it needs a heartbeat to be a human being.

I agreed there is no heartbeat during the first three weeks. I explained that the unborn is a developing human organism, and there’s no injection of essential genetic material after fertilization. The unborn only needs one thing to continue its development—nutrition. And that’s all that we need to move through the stages of human life, from birth to toddler, to teenager, to young adult, etc. We are the same whole human organism at fertilization as we are right now. He agreed that that made sense.

After a short pause, he said, “If that’s all true, then abortion might be wrong depending on the circumstance.” Wow, progress!

I was enjoying this conversation with Chase, not because he was agreeing with everything that I was asking or saying (he wasn’t), but because we built a rapport rather quickly. He pushed back often, which I fully expected from someone that says he is pro-choice. It was exciting to be on a journey engaging with someone who is open-minded and using critical thinking skills. Chase found it surprising, for example, when I noted that about 95% of abortions are for reasons other than rape, life of the mother, and incest.

My next step was using the Equal Rights Argument. I asked what is the same about us—what gives us our equality? He said that the ability to think is what gives us our equality. I asked him to consider a scenario. If the three of us took the same physics test, how would each of us do? I said that I probably wouldn’t do very well. Rose said she wouldn’t do well either, but Chase said that he would do well. I responded, “Since it’s obvious that we have different levels of the ability to think, then our ability to think can’t be the ‘thing’ that gives us our equality because we don’t all think equally, right? Doesn’t our equality have to be based on something that we all have equally?” He shook his head yes and I sensed this was a lightbulb moment. I continued, “I believe that our humanness is what’s the same about all of us—that’s what gives us our equality. And since the unborn are human like us, don’t they deserve to be treated equally to us?” He nodded in agreement. More progress.

Since Chase had referenced personal freedoms several times, I knew that was an important topic to him. So I shared my Two Buckets analogy. At the end of my story, I asked, “In which bucket does abortion belong? Does it belong in the one with personal preferences or the one with things like murder and stealing?” He thought for a minute and said, “I’m against 95% of abortions. That 95% belongs in the bucket with murder. I can now see that abortion is wrong. But abortion needs to be legal for the other 5%.” Praise God! Now I’m going after that remaining 5%!

I agreed that rape, incest, and life of the mother are very tough situations. I addressed each circumstance and expressed concern for those women. I commended Chase for his compassion. After I felt that I had adequately communicated my compassion, I attempted to bring the conversation back to the point of agreement that the unborn is human. I “trotted out a toddler.” I said, “Imagine a woman with a two-year-old who was conceived in rape. Would you agree that she can’t kill her child even though she can’t deal with the deep emotional pain she feels every time she looks at her child?” He agreed. We discussed it further and agreed that even though the topic of rape is very difficult, that since the unborn is human like the two-year-old, then we can’t kill the unborn in the same way that we can’t kill the two-year-old. They are both valuable human beings.

I added a few more facts. I told him that many people don’t know there are a lot of resources available at thousands of Pregnancy Resource Centers. I said there are about 2,500 abortions every day and I believe there are plenty of resources to help every one of those women.

He said, “Okay, you convinced me! I’m against abortion 100%!” We looked at each other with big smiles and high-fived! Then he signed “No” on our Should Abortion Remain Legal poll. Praise God!

For help learning and using the tools that I employed in my conversation with Chase, here’s a special list of links just for you:

• Two Buckets

• Two Buckets - Take Two

• Trot Out the Toddler (Collection of Newsletters by JFA Trainers)

• Equal Rights Argument (Collection of Newsletters by JFA Trainers)

Thank you for your prayers and for your continued support. I’m experiencing a shortfall in my support right now. Would you consider giving a special year-end gift to help? Thank you! May God bless you.

In Christ,

Tammy Cook

Second Thoughts

You know when you have a thought that enters your mind immediately upon hearing something or seeing someone, and you think, “Wow, I’m not sure why I thought that. That was a bizarre thought. I don’t appreciate that that came into my mind.” Follow me here. I call this a First Thought.

That internal questioning that says, “Hmm, why did I think that?” is one example of a Second Thought. This is a fundamental aspect of maturing as a person.

We’re all taught things, raised with ideas. Some of those ideas are beautiful and good and shape us to be stronger when challenged. Good ideas like trusting God first and looking before you cross the street can become instinctual First Thoughts if they’re ingrained early enough. Other first thoughts, however, are toxic. An example would be a thought of judging someone’s actions without discernment. Another example would be rude thoughts without consideration. Some forms of racism and sexism come from this First Thought category. Somewhere along the way, we absorb the belief that those clothes are “ugly” or that hairstyle is “awful.” These examples are only the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes these First Thoughts are insidious, causing harm to our psyche or resulting in harm to others when acted on.

When I first began doing pro-life work, I judged women who had abortions as murderers – evil women who wanted to kill children. After speaking to women who had unexpected pregnancies, challenging life circumstances, or who had actually sought out abortions, the Second Thoughts started to emerge. When I judged someone “without thinking,” I addressed that thought: “I don’t want to think things like that automatically. I want to learn more about this person and have compassion.”

Without Second Thoughts, the mind runs about like a child in a grocery store: “Ew, Mom, what’s wrong with her face?” With maturing and conscious effort to address prejudice, the mind stands still and ponders, “I feel concern. Concern for many people: the unborn, the women, this person standing before me. How do I love them all and extend to them the heart of Jesus?”

This transformation of thought takes work. Making Second Thoughts into instinctual habit takes years of re-learning, exposure to uncomfortable ideas, abandoning our pride before the throne of God. I still have so many First Thoughts. As a new mom, some First Thoughts about parenting are rearing their ugly heads, and I need compassion from people around me as I learn to re-train my mind, turning judgment into discernment and care. The good news is that I (and you!) can work on developing the habit of Second Thoughts that counteract these First Thoughts, causing them to recede into the background, and hopefully causing them to pop up less and less as Second Thoughts take their place.

As a pro-life speaker, trainer, and conversationalist, Second Thoughts are my passion. If I want to have a good conversation with someone with whom I may have disagreements, I have to put aside judgmental thoughts first and say to myself, “On second thought, how can I love them first?”

I challenge you to do the same.

Interns in Action (Part 2)

Impact Report, October 2021

At JFA, our internships are an expression of our passion for nurturing young leaders, helping them create conversations that change hearts and minds and helping them learn to train others. In all of these activities, we emphasize dependence on God to bring the results He wishes to bring through our efforts.

In our Impact Report last month, interns Rose and Bella shared stories of conversations they had during August and September outreach events at Wichita State University.

In this Impact Report, interns Andrea and Kristina share a window into how this process of creating conversations has affected them personally, including deepening their trust in God at every moment. As you endeavor to make a difference in the lives of those God puts in your path, I hope these insights from Andrea and Kristina will also encourage you to trust God throughout each interaction.

---

Some of JFA’s interns come to us with very little conversation experience, just like many of our training participants. Because we place conversations and outreach front and center in the internship, interns quickly identify with our training participants’ normal fears and uncertainties, but our interns also gain insights they can share out of their personal experience with people they will be training. Interns Andrea and Kristina recently shared some of those insights:

Andrea Thenhaus: One of the most valuable skills I have learned is how to listen with an open heart yet also be able to share the truth in a conversation. I have gained a greater understanding of how to meet people in whatever circumstances they may be… I appreciate the mentoring that JFA provides. When out on campus I had a JFA member evaluate each conversation I had, which was especially helpful… I have been stretched in the Lord and grown in boldness. I have learned the importance of relying on the Lord to direct my conversations. Every conversation is an invitation to let the Holy Spirit step in and accomplish His work through me. I am thankful that the Lord is faithful to give me wisdom.

Kristina Massa: The scariest part about abortion dialogue is initiating the first conversation. Even after training and practice with Justice For All, the fears that accompanied asking strangers what they think about abortion continued to billow in my mind: What if they share an argument for which I’m not prepared? What if they yell at me? What if this is an emotional topic for them, and my question stirs up those emotions? The list of fears and lies the devil plants in our minds to prevent us from taking the first step can feel like it goes on forever, but the army of graces that God affords us to overcome those fears puts that list to shame.

With the support of the JFA team, I took a leap of faith in my first conversation at outreach. A young woman approached us to sign our poll which asked, “Should Abortion Remain Legal?” I initiated a conversation by asking her questions about her view. I was nervous, my demeanor was shaky, and I stumbled on my words. Any snarky person could have easily used my weakness to walk on me. To my surprise, the woman (who identified as pro-choice) was extremely gracious, and we found ourselves in a productive dialogue filled with lots of common ground. God used the woman’s temperament to compensate for what I was lacking. We may not have all of the right words or confidence we want in every conversation, but time and time again, God has demonstrated to me that He will provide the safe ground to land on as long as we take our leap of faith.

Interns in Action (Part 1)

View fullsize

Introducing our intern class for the fall of 2021: Andrea, Rose, Kristina, and Bella.

Since mid-August when JFA’s fall 2021 internship began, interns Andrea, Rose, Kristina, and Bella have spent many hours conducting outreach events and creating conversations to help people change their minds about abortion. This month, Rose and Bella share a window into their experiences in their own words:

Rose: At Wichita State University in August, “Natasha” seemed to be captivated by our sandwich boards on display. I greeted her and asked if she had time to talk about her thoughts on abortion. She smiled and eagerly said, “Yes please, I don’t usually have conversations about this topic.” She mentioned that she was “on the fence” about abortion, but that her mother was pro-life. She proceeded to share and tell stories about her mother’s pregnancies and abortions… we moved to sit down in the shade on a nearby bench… [and] the conversation shifted when we were on the same level sitting down together side by side.

She shared with me that she was minoring in Women’s Studies. I took an interest in that and started asking her questions about… what she was learning. It then turned into a conversation focused on motherhood and the lies the world tells women about what motherhood should look like. She shared with me that many of her friends that have gotten abortions view the situation as “the most tragic and regretful decisions they have ever made.” She also said that after having abortions, most of her friends have become pro-life rather than remaining pro-choice. This statement provided a glimpse of hope for me that women’s hearts and minds can and will be transformed after they have reflected upon and faced healing after abortion.

View fullsize

Rose (center in pink), Kristina (hat), and other JFA team members interact with Wichita State students at a JFA outreach event in late August.

She also mentioned some women in her life that have chosen to be mothers when all the odds seemed against them inspire her. We found common ground in viewing children as blessings rather than burdens, and that babies give women fuel and reasons to fulfill their dreams. At one point in the conversation, I mentioned the pro-life movie Unplanned. About five minutes later, her mother texted her a link to the movie. If that is not God communicating to me that I was talking to the right person at the right time, I don’t know what is. When we ended our conversation she said to me, “Thank you for taking the time to speak with me; you’ve solidified my pro-life views.” That was very rewarding to hear. I was very pleased that I could make a difference through a simple friendly conversation.

Bella: Before coming to JFA I thought I was loving the woman, but I really wasn’t. I would say I cared, but I didn’t understand how to care. I didn’t know how to open my eyes wide enough to take in the entire picture. I was scared that if I even for a moment glimpsed away from the unborn that I would somehow fail them. I didn’t know how to love the woman, have compassion for the person I was talking to, and still fight for the unborn. I realize now that I didn’t have compassion for the woman and the pro-choice advocate because I was still seeing the abortion issue as an Us v. Them, instead of an Us v. Injustice. Once my mindset shifted from seeing [pro-choice advocates] as the enemy, to seeing them as misinformed yet well-intentioned human beings hoping for justice and peace like me, the game changed. Now when I speak with someone who disagrees with me, I genuinely want to listen to them. Through this mindset I have had more fruitful (and surprisingly pleasant) conversations where a lot of progress has been made. I have learned that compassion is never wasted. It’s compassion that invokes us to listen and change…

Yesterday at outreach I was speaking to someone who didn’t have that strong of an opinion on abortion, but was pro-choice because he believed that women should be able to decide what to do with their lives. We walked through the biology and the Equal Rights argument, and he agreed with me all along the way. He then said something along the lines that the embryo just seems so far removed and hard to relate to, I agreed with him but [noted] that the way we look doesn’t define our value as humans. He agreed but then kind of shrugged and said, “That’s just the way society is; I don't know if I’d say it’s wrong—it’s socially acceptable…” I reminded him that at one point racism was socially acceptable and was the norm, but we now know that that was wrong despite the common opinion. He responded, “You are right, and I bet there were people that when they logically thought about it realized that it was wrong, and that’s why we are here today living in a nation that now understands racism is wrong. I guess we need to start educating people about abortion, helping people see what’s actually happening with abortion.” I was shocked that he had said that. I knew that his mind hadn’t completely changed, but he agreed that the divide here is a lack of familiarity and affection for the unborn. People are seeing the unborn as something they are not, so of course it is hard to see where we are coming from.

October 2021 Update: In Part 2, interns Kristina and Andrea share additional reflections.

Interns Kristina Massa (left), Rose Maddock (center), and Bella O’Neill (right) engage three students in conversation at Wichita State University.

Intern Andrea Thenhaus engages a student in conversation at Colorado Christian Universtiy.

Bella O’Neill in conversation at Tarleton State University, Stephenville, Texas

Krisitna Massa in conversation at Tarleton State University.

Rose Maddock engages two students in conversation at Wichita State University.

Rose Maddock (pink tank top) and Kristina Massa (hat) engage students in respectful conversations at Wichita State University in August.

SFLA Presentation: Links

I will give a presentation this evening about “How to Dialogue about Chemical Abortion” during an SFLA Webinar. (Register to attend here.)

Here are a few links to resources I mentioned in the presentation:

Create dialogue opportunities:

Get JFA Training:

Here are a few links to help you connect with JFA:

Don't Follow the Leader

I hope that you had a wonderful Fourth of July celebration with your family!

This year, I went with a friend to watch fireworks. We had a lot of fun. When we got back to my car, I struggled a bit to figure out how to get out of the parking lot. There were tons of people and cars. Everything was a bit chaotic. All of the cars seemed to be going left, which seemed a little odd to me because I was sure there was no outlet in that direction. I am new to the area, and both my friend and I are directionally challenged, so we decided to just follow all of the other cars. Eventually we realized that there really wasn’t an outlet. Everyone had been going in the wrong direction. Finally, we got turned around and out of the parking lot. It is likely that one person thought there was an outlet and others just followed him. 

As I think about that experience, I am reminded of all the times throughout Scripture where Jesus refers to us as sheep. Sheep follow each other without really thinking. Human beings are much the same way. Whether it is something as silly as following a line of cars toward a non-existent exit, or something much more serious like following other’s belief systems about worldview questions, we are prone to follow without thinking.

I have a lot of sympathy for pro-choice people because I know that many of them are following the culture without questioning it. In fact, I am prone to the same mistake. If you think about it, this is actually encouraging because it means many pro-choice people are very persuadable. They are not pro-choice because they have thought about the issue and decided that being pro-choice makes the most sense. Instead, they are pro-choice because they are following the culture without stopping to question it. When we confront them with the truth, many of these people see their mistake and are willing to change their perspective.

The same is true of many non-Christians. They have not thought seriously about the claims of Christ. They have not taken time to study the various religions with an aim to discover the truth. Rather than thinking deeply about Christianity and then rejecting it, many people are simply going with the flow of our culture.

This is exciting. It means that our simple conversations can truly change people’s lives. When we engage people in conversations about abortion, worldviews, and the gospel, we may be helping them to think about these issues for the first time. They may not change their minds on the spot, but we have planted a seed that has the potential to one day bear fruit.

View fullsize

Earlier this month, the JFA team had the joy of training the students at Ellerslie Mission Society. I always love training at Ellerslie because I was first introduced to Justice For All there. It is fun to see everything come full-circle in this way.

Links for Live Action Activists

Today, I will be sharing my presentation, “Transforming Conversations with Common Ground,” at the Live Action Activist Training session in San Francisco (listed as “Common Ground Without Compromise” on the schedule). Thanks to JFA trainers Rebekah and Mary for sharing conversation stories during the presentation. This post contains links to things I mentioned in my talk, as well as additional resources to help you grow in the art of dialogue and finding common ground:

Take a Next Step

Stories

More Links for Connecting with JFA

More Stories and Resources

Love3 Mentions the Woman...What about the Man?

We received a kind note from a supporter recently making a point about our the name of our online workshops, Love3. (Get more information and register now! Workshops begin January 18.) Here’s an excerpt:

What a beautiful theme: to actively love the mother, child, and conversation partner. Perhaps father, known or unknown, should be included in that circle, as well. Changing the hearts of women’s partners could have a huge effect on whether or not a woman experiences an unplanned pregnancy in the first place; and whether she experiences it alone and desperate, or supported, cared for and in partnership.

Perhaps in the future JFA can put together a team, especially of men, to mentor to our young men on campus as to how they can honor women by not engaging in pre-marital sex, by truly thinking through their sexual actions to the probable conclusion, and by actively shouldering the consequences of their actions with manly honesty, unselfishness, and openness to life.

Here’s my reply:

I wholeheartedly agree that men should receive more focus, especially in the ways you have stated in your email. I appreciate the idea of developing a team of men for special focus on helping men develop "manly honesty, unselfishness and openness to life," as you have said. We'll keep this idea in mind as we continue to seek better ways to reach people. You have rightly pointed out how instrumental men are in the process and how important it is that we not forget them.

Let me explain a bit more about the reasons behind the focus on the woman in Love3. Before I do, though, I admit that no name is perfect, and our team is taking new ideas and changes into consideration. When I talk about the Love3 idea in presentations, I talk about loving "anyone dealing with unintended pregnancy and abortion directly," which includes men. So, that was really the intention of this Love3 idea all along.

In trying to find a way to simply communicate what we're talking about in promoting these workshops, however, I found it necessary to simplify this idea down to a focus on the woman. In conversations, there is a reason to give special focus to the woman, after all: she is affected bodily by the child's presence and she can by law get an abortion without the father's knowledge or approval. In addition, when people interact with us, they are many times very keyed in on how we treat the woman who's pregnant during the conversation. While I agree wholeheartedly that men are both affected by and affect greatly the situation of unintended pregnancy, the average pro-choice advocate is not particularly concerned about the man.

So, while I agree that in a conversation we should also have in mind actively loving the man who is directly involved in unintended pregnancy, this does not provide as clear a guide to pro-life advocates aiming to create the sort of conversation that will intrigue pro-choice advocates and cause them to change their mind about abortion. To be sure, bringing up the man and his role at various points is important for helping people develop an accurate view of sexuality, pregnancy, honor, and integrity. But focusing on the man is not as important as caring for the pregnant woman as we seek to help people be open to changing their minds about abortion.

Remember that the moniker Love3 is meant to be a guide for how to proceed in the midst of a conversation in which we're aiming to change someone's mind. That's why we focus in our promotion of Love3 on loving the woman, the child, and the person with whom we're speaking. It's absolutely essential in most conversations with pro-choice advocates to keep each of these three groups of people in our field of vision as we seek to persuade.

Aubree Changes Her Mind

Above, I talk with “Aubree” at UT Dallas in early March, before COVID-19 cancellations.

On February 7th, I began serving as a Spring 2020 Intern with Justice For All. Before COVID-19 forced us to cancel the events JFA had planned for later in the spring, I was able to travel to Texas three times for outreach events at the University of North Texas, Trinity University, University of Texas at San Antonio, and University of Texas at Dallas.

One of the most memorable interactions I had this spring was at UT Dallas. A young woman I’ll call “Aubree” came up to our poll table that asked, “Should Abortion Remain Legal?” As she signed the Yes side, I approached her and asked her what she thought about abortion. Aubree proceeded to tell me she didn’t like abortion, but she thought it should be legal because making a law against abortion would cause more women to get hurt. She expressed the concern that even if we made abortion illegal, women would die in back-alley abortions, and it wouldn’t really prevent abortion at all. She went on to explain she also believes life begins at conception and that abortion kills an innocent human being.

There are many people like Aubree who claim to be pro-life, believe the unborn is human like you and me, and yet believe that abortion should be legal. The problem with this is multi-faceted. First, they are telling you abortion is killing an innocent human but that abortion should still be legal. Then they often support this with a second statement like the back-alley abortion claim.

View fullsize

Above, I am shown talking with a pro-choice student at Trinity University in February.

The challenge in this view is that to some extent there is truth to it. Having a law against abortion won’t stop all abortions. Laws do not prevent all people from engaging in a particular action, but that does not mean we should not have legislation against a particular act if it is harming or killing another person.

I began to walk through her concerns with her, and we applied her reasoning for keeping abortion legal to other issues. Laws against child abuse and rape do not prevent all those crimes from occurring, but they do mitigate the behavior. In addition, laws reflect what our society values. If we did not have laws against child abuse and rape, that would reveal a disturbing culture that does not have concern for the wellbeing of vulnerable people victimized by these evil acts. In the same way, if abortion is killing an innocent human being (which it is), then we should have laws against it.

Another helpful way to process this is to imagine we were talking about women having the right to kill their newborns. Imagine that someone argues that infanticide should be legal and safe for women because if it were illegal, women would just get hurt in back alleys trying to kill their newborns. This helps to clarify the point and keep the discussion on one central question: What is the unborn?

Of course we don’t want women to die in “back-alley abortions,” and we should take measures to help women not desire to take that risk. But because abortion is killing an innocent human being, it should not remain legal.

Towards the end of my conversation with Aubree, we began discussing women’s rights, and I remarked how I thought it was sad that the idea of women’s rights is so interconnected with abortion. “Oftentimes, abortion kills another woman [at the embryonic or fetal stage]. Our ability to be free and equal does not come from our ability to kill other weaker, vulnerable, unborn women. If we really care about women, why do we not fight for all women in all stages of their existence? It seems odd to me that we only fight for a specific group of women, and we tell some of them that they have the right to kill another woman if she gets in their way.”

“When I made that connection it was like a light bulb went on in her mind. Before leaving, she asked “Can I change my answer?””

When I made that connection it was like a light bulb went on in her mind. Before leaving, she asked “Can I change my answer?” Walking back to the poll table, she signed the No side of our poll, and we cordially parted ways.

Many people think the same way Aubree thought before our conversation, and they just need someone to gently point out the flawed reasoning in their beliefs. When the truth is communicated in a loving manner, sometimes they are willing to change their views to fit the truth. This is encouraging to witness.

As Christians, learning how to communicate the truth to a watching world is crucial. We are told to “walk in wisdom towards outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” (Col. 4:5-6 ESV). May we all be willing and ready to communicate the truth to a lost world.

---

A Note to My Support Team

(Originally shared along with this story in April 2020)

Dear Friends,

Since traveling is no longer an option this spring, I have been working with the JFA team as we seek to reach people using other means. I have been helping JFA launch its Instagram account (@picturejusticeforall) while trying to get into conversations via direct message with people on that forum. I presented a portion of an online JFA interactive workshop this past week, and I’ll also be helping with online training events in the coming weeks (see www.jfaweb.org/calendar). In addition, please go to my JFA page to find links to articles I have published recently with Human Defense Initiative and Merely Human Ministries.

We continue to engage in compassionate dialogue with the purpose of glorifying God and communicating to people the value and dignity in every human life. Thank you for your friendship, support, and prayers. It is much easier to do this work knowing I have people like you who have my back.

In Christ,

Rebekah Dyer

Video: "Why Equal Rights?" (Outreach Clip)

Watch Rebecca Hotovy talk with a student at Colorado State University about the foundation for our equal rights.

What do you think of Rebecca’s reasoning?

Watch Rebecca Hotovy (Haschke) talk with a student at Colorado State University about the foundation for our equal rights. --- Read Outreach Stories: www.jfaweb.org/stories Ask About an Internship: www.jfaweb.org/internships Explore JFA's Guide for Pro-Life Students: www.jfaweb.org/students/ccc Video by: Genesis Media (www.genesismediasolutions.com)

Share this post to start a conversation!

Click here for more dialogue examples involving the Equal Rights Argument.