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How Christian Kids Become Pro-Choice

This Free Speech Board comment, seen at a JFA university outreach event, represents an all-too common position I hear from Christian students.

Every time I do outreach with JFA I have a conversation that reminds me exactly why the work we do is so important, why I left my previous career to do this work. At the University of Texas at Dallas (UT Dallas) that conversation was with a young woman named “Miriam.”

At outreach we meet a lot of pro-choice people who are atheists or agnostics, but we also meet a lot of pro-choice people who profess to be Christians. How does somebody who has been raised in the church her whole life become pro-choice?

Miriam is a perfect example of this phenomenon. I will quote her initial response to me at length. It is a fascinating look into how people who profess to be committed Christians (in this case a “proud Catholic”) justify their support for legal abortion:

I’ve been pro-life most of my life. But I do think it should still be legal, though. I’m a proud Catholic. And as a Catholic, most of us are pro-life.

I don’t know. God gave us free will. And he told us to make our own choices and choose what we believe is right, and in the end we will get our reward. Everything will be justified in the end.

I don’t believe that I should put my religious beliefs on the entire United States. If somebody who’s not Catholic wants to get an abortion, I’m not going to judge them. If somebody who is Catholic wants to get an abortion, I’m not going to judge them. It’s not my job.

I understand it’s sad. I don’t want babies to die. I do personally believe it is murder. Especially after a few months. I think maybe a time limit would be nice. Especially after a good amount of months, you shouldn’t kill that kid. I think it’s just not our decision to make for everyone.

Our March outreach at UT Dallas where I met Miriam

I was very saddened by her response. She knew that abortion was “killing a kid” and didn’t want babies to die, yet she believed in keeping it legal to do just that.

Miriam considered herself pro-life because she personally was against abortion. Yet her position is almost identical to any pro-choice student that I meet who thinks that abortion should be legal for all reasons in the first two trimesters. This seemed to be a comfortable position for her. On the one hand, she could call herself pro-life and think she was in line with her church. On the other, most of her friends are pro-choice, and she could tell them she agrees with them about abortion.

She mentioned that her parents were pro-life without exceptions. I wanted to understand more about why she changed the position with which she had been raised, so I asked her about it. She responded:

I had my own mind after a while. I saw what my parents believed, and for a while I believed that. I see in some cases my parents were right. But eventually at some point in my life I [saw] some cases where abortion is justified. It is sad, but it would be worse for the kid if it was born. It’s hard to balance whose life weighs more, the mother or the child. It’s a judgement call, and it’s not my decision.

There it was again, the phrase “not my decision,” which echoed her previous comments about “make our own choices,” and, “I don’t believe that I should put my religious views on the entire United States.” She had uncritically accepted our culture’s message: choice trumps a child’s right to life.

Equipping Christian students, like those in the seminar shown above, is one of our main priorities at JFA.

This conversation was evidence to me of the vital role our churches and families play in developing the pro-life advocates of the next generation, and of the fact that they are often under-equipped for the task. That’s why Justice For All’s training is so important. If she had heard strong justifications for the pro-life view, she would have been much more likely to reject the views that her culture and her peers were pushing on her. If her parents knew how to have difficult conversations with her about this topic, she would probably still oppose abortion today. But those conversations are hard, especially when dealing with issues such as abortion in the case of rape, and many, if not most, parents are not equipped to have those types of conversations confidently. Teaching those skills is exactly what Justice For All is about.

If her parents knew how to have difficult conversations with her about this topic, she would probably still oppose abortion today. But those conversations are hard...and many, if not most, parents are not equipped to have those types of conversations confidently.

During our conversation, I was stunned by the number of pro-choice talking points she had absorbed and regurgitated to me. Where did Miriam’s justifications for abortion come from?

I went to Catholic schools my whole life, and most of my friends there were pro-choice, which is surprising because you’d think in Catholic school it would be pro-life, but that’s not the case where I grew up. Pro-choice makes more sense for the youth than for those who are older. I guess wisdom comes with age and stuff. Maybe it’s our youth mentality about how we think we know more than those who are older.

I was very surprised that she still considered herself pro-life, even though almost everything she was saying was no different than what I would usually hear from atheistic pro-choice students. I asked her to try to make sense of that for me.

There is a gray area between the two. You can be pro-life with a little pro-choice in you. Pro-choice has their moments where they make sense to me. I don’t think I’ll ever go over totally to the pro-choice side because I believe in the right to life, and I believe everything the Catholic Church says on the subject.

I support pro-life one billion percent, and kind of like one percent I see some pro-choice arguments that have points where they make sense.

Again, I was a bit shocked to hear that someone who spouted to me dozens of pro-choice arguments also said she is “one billion percent” pro-life. How is that possible? Had she learned why her church believes abortion is wrong? Had her parents taught her how to respond to the reasons her friends were pro-choice? Almost everything she had heard on the subject seemed to have come from our pro-choice culture or her pro-choice friends.

JFA Outreach at the University of Texas at San Antonio (UTSA) in February 2020

After listening to her share her view, I presented a case for the equality of the unborn. I then asked, “Since the unborn are also human, shouldn’t they deserve an equal right to life to you and me?” She avoided the question, and she jumped once again into a common pro-choice talking point. This pattern continued throughout our conversation. It seemed clear to me that she had never considered the points I was making, and she had no responses other than repeating what she had heard from her friends.

This was discouraging, but I am hopeful that I “put a pebble in her shoe,” as Greg Koukl of Stand to Reason says. People often don’t change their minds on the spot, but my modest goal in my conversation was that something would stick, just like a pebble in her shoe.

We need to reach kids everywhere, especially kids who claim to follow Christ, before they are convinced by the culture and their peers that even if abortion is “killing a kid,” the law should let people make their own choices about it.

My conversation with Miriam confirmed for me that our culture is talking to our kids about abortion. The question is, are we? Are our Christian youth being told the reasons that the unborn should have a right to life? Are they being told how to respond to the pro-choice arguments that their friends are making?

... our culture is talking to our kids about abortion. The question is, are we?

That’s exactly what Justice For All’s mission encompasses. We train Christians to defend their pro-life convictions winsomely in a culture that is hostile to it. We help them understand how this is one issue where the comfortable position of being only personally pro-life is not enough. We teach them that injustice against some of the most vulnerable members of our society is not something about which we can be indifferent. And finally, we train their parents to have these conversations with their kids, so their children develop the critical thinking to help them hold strong even when the culture pushes back.

Where will parents and kids learn this? They are most likely to learn it through their church or a program at their Christian school. The pro-choice culture does not need to communicate its message to our kids — the media and their peers will do the job for them. But as Miriam proves, we don’t have the luxury of inaction. And I am so happy that God allows me to reach so many Christian parents and kids every year through Justice For All’s work.

It’s up to churches, Christian schools, and parents not to hope that our underlying beliefs magically transfer to our kids. Rather we have to spend time focused on the topic. We need to craft a whole-person response that includes the heart and the mind. That is precisely what Justice For All trains leaders to do.

A New View of Abortion... And Pro-Life Advocates

Impact Report, April 2020

A Note from JFA’s Executive Director: Mary St. Hilaire had been an intern with JFA for less than a week when we sent her to four different cities from February 7 until March 12. She helped JFA accomplish eleven days of outreach at five universities and also learned to present a portion of JFA’s training seminar. Since COVID-19 has caused us to postpone in-person events for now, we’re thankful for Mary’s help in doing more with social media, including starting conversations with people online. - Steve Wagner, JFA Executive Director

In the first outreach conversation of her internship, Mary (above, right) interacts with a University of North Texas student who skipped his class to talk about abortion.

One of my favorite conversations this semester was with a girl I’ll call “Liz,” a student at Trinity University in San Antonio, Texas. From the beginning I could tell that Liz was very hesitant to engage us in any way. When I asked if she wanted to weigh in on our poll (“Is Abortion an Injustice?”), she seemed almost nervous to do so, but eventually got up the courage and signed the “No” side. I then asked if she had time to share her thoughts with me, to which she timidly replied, “Yeah... I do have time actually.”

At University of Texas at Dallas in March, Mary talked with the group of students pictured here. As we traveled home from Dallas, we began to see cancellations of public gatherings nationwide.

I followed up by asking her what she thought about abortion. Right off the bat, I recognized the love and compassion that Liz has for women, for she responded, “Well, I don’t really like abortion, but I understand that it’s necessary for some women if they are raped or if they’re too poor to take care of a child.”

This was the perfect opportunity, early in the conversation, to set Liz at ease and help her know that I cared about her view and about these circumstances. I responded by saying, “I agree that rape is a terrible experience for any woman to have and I can’t imagine going through that. And poverty is something I’ve never had to experience, but my heart really goes out to anyone living in poverty, especially single mothers. Both of those situations are really sad to think about.”

Almost immediately after saying this, there was a change in Liz’s disposition. I saw a transformation in her face and could tell that my response was not at all what she was expecting to hear. In fact, not only did she become more willing to discuss the topic of abortion with me, but she also began to open up about very personal struggles in her own life. She said that both she and her boyfriend have problems with their mental health. They plan on getting married, and they would love to have children, but they feel trapped because they don’t want their kids to have the same mental challenges they have.

I could tell how distressing this was to Liz, and I was able to really empathize with her. “Wow,” I said. “That is such a difficult situation. I want to have children someday, too, so I can understand how hard this must be for you because obviously we want the best for our children and would never want them to experience the same hardships we have experienced. I’m sorry you have to go through this. Is your family supportive of you and your boyfriend?” “Yes, luckily they are very supportive and loving,” she answered. “I’m so glad to hear that,” I replied. “It’s so important to have people in your life that you can lean on to help you through the hard times.”

The way that Liz opened up to me and the way in which I was able to empathize with her created a strong connection between us. In fact, most of our conversation was spent just getting to know one another. We talked about our shared Christian faith, joked and laughed over stories from our past, and talked about our families and backgrounds. We didn’t actually discuss the topic of abortion in depth until a friendship had begun to develop. Because of our connection, when I did ask her about abortion again, she was very open and willing to discuss it with me.

“So, do you think the unborn is biologically human?” I asked. “I’m not sure,” she replied. “That’s okay!” I said. “Would you be open to hearing what I think?”

“Absolutely!” she eagerly responded. I then walked her through evidence that the unborn is biologically human. For example, the unborn exhibits the three characteristics of living things, it has human parents and human DNA, and it is a whole organism that is developing itself. Liz said that those reasons made sense, and she was willing to agree that the unborn is biologically human.

I then tried to help her see why all human beings deserve the right to life by asking her a few questions: “Look around at everyone on campus. We’re all different, right? Different religions, races, ages, and genders. But could you agree that everyone on campus deserves to be treated equally at least in the sense of the basic right to life?” She nodded. “Of course.”

I continued, “So then there must be something the same about us that gives us the right to demand this equal treatment. What do you think is the same about us?” Liz paused and thought for a moment. “That’s a good question. I don’t know. What do you think?” she finally asked.

“Well, I think it’s simply that we are all human beings!” I could see that this answer really resonated with Liz. “Yes, that makes sense,” she quickly replied. I continued: “So if the unborn is also human then shouldn’t he also deserve the right to life?”

The look on Liz’s face told me that she completely understood this argument and was really grappling with it. After a moment, she answered, “I guess abortion is an injustice. But I do understand why some women need to get abortions.” This response impressed me because of Liz’s willingness to admit that she had changed her view of abortion as not being an injustice. I wasn’t at all surprised that she held onto the belief that it is still necessary for some women, despite it being wrong. I know that she was simply trying to process through everything we had discussed. A total change of heart may come later when she has had more time to dwell on this complex topic.

With all that being said, my conversation with Liz is one of my favorites not because of her altered view of abortion but because of what she said in parting after we had talked for about an hour. She looked at me earnestly and said, “Thank you! You have changed my perspective of pro-lifers and the pro-life movement.” Those are the most precious words I have heard in any of my conversations.

One of our main goals as staff at Justice For All, and as pro-life advocates in general, is to have dialogues that convey Christ’s message of love, forgiveness, and understanding. Liz’s parting words confirmed that I had fulfilled that message in our conversation. Whether or not she completely changes her mind on the issue of abortion, I know that I had a great impact on her because she has a new view of pro-life advocates as people of acceptance, love, and openness. This, in and of itself, opens so many doors for more productive conversations in the future. She will now be much more willing to listen to and understand the pro-life position without the interference of a negative association with pro-life people.

So often, pro-choice people don’t want to engage us simply because they think we don’t care about their views. Let us change that stigma by our examples of Christ-like love, unconditional and immeasurable, in every interaction we have with people with whom we disagree. Let us truly live out Jesus’ command to us: “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34)