“Just say it,” she said. “Say I’m a murderer.” A student I’ll call “Allie” at Cal State San Marcos was looking at me waiting for my response.
To ease the tension, I calmly said something like, “I don’t think it would be helpful for me to sit here and call you a murderer. I want to be careful before using that word. I don’t know you, and I don’t know your story. Murder is a big word, and there is a lot of malice and intent involved with that so I’m not going to sit here and do that to you.”
Allie had come up while I was in the middle of another conversation. After the other student left, she asked me what I would say to someone who had had an abortion. She told me soon after that she had one.
I didn’t sidestep Allie’s demand because I didn’t have an answer for her. I’ve learned that it is often helpful to not directly respond right away to things people say when they demand an answer, especially in a tense moment. As we talked, Allie’s tense demeanor softened, and she apologized for coming off as aggressive in the beginning. When Allie asked what I would say to someone who had had an abortion, I said something like “I’m sorry you experienced that. How are you doing?”
It’s important to understand why certain questions are asked or what’s behind the demand for a response. For Allie, it was deeply personal. Our conversation was short, and I wish we could have talked longer. Allie didn’t need someone calling her a “murderer” for a horrible decision she had made. I think she needed someone to be gentle with her.
While I don’t sit around and call people like Allie or others that disagree with me murderers, I am direct about what abortion is and what it does to another human being. I do what I do because I love God, unborn children, and people like Allie. I can sense the pain and the darkness they are in when we talk. I know I could be just like them if it wasn’t for the grace of God in my life. I want them to be free from the grasp of the enemy. He “steals, kills, and destroys” people, but Jesus came “that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10 (ESV)