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Notes for "7 Conversations in 7 Hours - Session 1"

Comment Or Ask Questions on Session 1

Respond to Session 1 and Sign Up for JFA Updates via Email and/or Paper Mail using the JFA Updates page. Or, feel free to share a comment on this post below.

 

Next Step: Conversation Starter to Put Session 1 into Practice

Option 1: Talk to Someone You Know Well via Phone or Video Chat or in Person*:

Consider three people you know who are either pro-choice or whose views on abortion you don’t know. Choose the person on the list who you believe will be the most approachable or easiest for you to talk to about abortion. Your goal is to start the conversation with that person in a natural, non-awkward way. We suggest using a direct approach which is up front about how you are purposefully trying to learn something, and you need the person’s help:

“I’m troubled by the fact that good conversations about abortion are rare. It seems to only be hurtful to people. I’ve been working recently on learning to discuss abortion productively. Would you be willing to sit and chat with me for 15 minutes or more and help me out? My commitment to you would be that I will ask questions with an open heart, listen to understand, and find common ground when possible.”

Please adjust the wording to fit your personality! Once you’ve had a conversation with the person who’s most approachable for you, challenge yourself by engaging one of the others on your list.

Another alternative is to tell the person you’re doing an assignment for a class you’re taking:

“I’m taking a class aimed at helping people create better conversations about difficult topics. The topics we’re focusing on are unintended pregnancy and abortion. I’m wondering if you would be willing to have a 15-minute conversation with me to help me out. The assignment for this week is to ask someone what they think about these topics and to listen, ask clarification questions, and find common ground without challenging anything that’s shared for the whole 15-minute conversation. Would you be willing to help me out?”

*During COVID-19, we suggest being very careful to respect personal boundaries and social distancing expectations. We are thinking here of conversations with neighbors over the backyard fence in which you can respect social distancing expectations but also be close enough that you don’t have to yell to be heard:)

Option 2: Talk to Someone You Care About with Whom Past Abortion Conversations Have Gone Badly

Introduce the conversation by saying,

“I wanted to contact you and say something about how I’ve treated you in past conversations about abortion. In short, I am sorry for the way I’ve treated you. I think I communicated that I don’t care about you or your opinions through the way I responded to you in those conversations. Would you forgive me? [Wait for a response.] I am wondering if you would allow me to try again. I just took a class in three skills I am trying to learn to put into practice: listening to understand, asking questions with an open heart, and finding common ground when possible. Would you be willing to talk to me for 15 minutes about abortion? I promise to do my best to use these skills to show you the respect you deserve.”

Option 3: Talk to a Stranger

The difficult thing about this suggestion during COVID-19 is that many of the usual places we might have suggested to find people to talk to (college campuses, parks, etc) are closed, and indeed, in downtown walking areas and other locations that may still be open, many people are very skittish about getting in conversations with strangers for fear of contracting COVID-19. We’ve included this idea here only to encourage you to think creatively about whether God has put people in your path with whom you could speak without making them feel uncomfortable.

For example, you may participate in a Facebook group devoted to some other topic or shared interest. You might direct message someone (if it doesn’t break community rules for that group) to ask them to take an informal survey you’re conducting. This appeal might be even more persuasive if you commit to ask 10 people to take the survey. Then you might even report back on the results of the survey to the people who took it!

If you take this approach, you might use the JFA “Invitation to Dialogue” Survey which draws questions from the JFA “Invitation to Dialogue” Brochure. 

Or, you might combine this approach with Option 1 above and just suggest to the person via direct message that you’re starting conversations about abortion.

Option 4: Share Steve Wagner’s Book with a Friend

Steve Wagner published Common Ground Without Compromise: 25 Questions to Create Dialogue on Abortion in 2008 expressly for the purpose of helping people create conversations. It’s a letter to pro-life and pro-choice people written in language both groups will understand and appreciate. The goal is to start the conversation with some aspect of the discussion on which we are all likely to agree so that we can then proceed to discussing our disagreements more productively. Each chapter is short and many of the chapters model this process of moving from agreement to disagreement. This makes the book a good tool for starting a conversation. What’s more, the book is available for free at Steve’s book web page.

Tell Us How Your Conversation Went

Don’t forget to use the "Share Your JFA Story" form to let us know how it goes.

 

Read More About Session 1 (“Three Essential Skills”)

Note: This post was originally written on 5/26/2020 for our first “7 Conversations in 7 Hours” series. It was updated on 6/18/2020 and 7/29/2020.

Links: See the JFA Calendar to view a series currently in progress or coming up soon. // Register here. // Share the details or invite a friend.

7 Conversations in 7 Hours

Dear Friend of JFA,

We pray that God is keeping you in his peace even as COVID-19 has caused so many changes for all of us. The Justice For All (JFA) team conducted outreach at UNT, UNM, Trinity University, UTSA, and UTD before we saw our outreach venues for the rest of our spring schedule shut down almost all at once. (See pictures of these five outreach events at the JFA Calendar page, on Facebook, or on Instagram.)

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Convinced that abortion continues to be a great risk to unborn children and their mothers especially with the economic uncertainty of these times, each member of our team immediately changed gears. Together online, we have been meeting regularly to seek out conversations in places most of us thought held little promise for deep conversation (e.g. Instagram).

What about our training program, though? Even before the coronavirus outbreak, I have been troubled that so many people throughout the USA and around the world have no access to mentoring from JFA’s expert dialogue artists. Now, spurred on by the isolation of this season, we’ve developed a version of our training that anyone can access from anywhere.

I’m excited to announce “7 Conversations in 7 Hours,” a new series of seven online interactive workshops from JFA. Each hour-long session will help you to have a productive conversation on one topic related to abortion. After a short lecture, you will role-play a conversation in a safe environment and interact with JFA trainers through Q&A. Then you will receive a conversation starter you can use to immediately put into practice what you’ve learned.

We’re offering a variety of options so you can learn from JFA's dialogue artists right from your home at a time that works for you!

- Steve Wagner, Executive Director

 

Thank You to Our Supporters

Thank you for standing with us during this unique time of COVID-19. Because of your faithful giving, we have been able to focus on developing online training events and ways to conduct conversations on social media. This work will continue to pay dividends even after we’re able to conduct face-to-face events again, helping us reach more people in more places. Thank you!

 

You Can Help JFA Through Word of Mouth

Introduce one friend to JFA by asking him or her to register for “7 Conversations in 7 Hours” with you. You can help us train many we would not otherwise.

You Can Help JFA Through Financial Gifts

One JFA supporter is thinking of giving her stimulus money to JFA since she doesn’t need it. Are you in a similar situation? Thank you for considering helping JFA change hearts amidst COVID-19.

Read Recent Conversation Stories and Reflections

See our blog for recent reflections and stories from Rebekah Dyer (“Aubree Changes Her Mind”), Jeremy Gorr (“Spending Spring Break with JFA”), Tammy Cook (“My Aha Moment!”), Kaitlyn Donihue (“Outreach Over Instagram?”), and Mary St. Hilaire (“A New View of Abortion…and Pro-Life Advocates”).

My Aha Moment!

Dear Friends,

I hope this finds you well. The past six weeks have brought about a myriad of changes for most of us. It’s been quite an emotional roller coaster, but I am doing okay. Just striving to trust God. I’ve been praying for you.

I was filled with sadness in March due to the cancellation of the remainder of JFA’s training events this semester. It was a tough pill to swallow since I love doing outreach events! My fellow trainers and I have spent the last month working on several projects that will benefit our Training Program. We are now offering online events! Go to the JFA calendar for dates and details.

The last JFA outreach event this semester was held in March at the University of Texas at Dallas (UTD). I had great conversations that resulted in many pro-choice advocates rethinking their views. It was my last conversation, however, that was the most memorable. Here’s that story:

“Harper” was part of an active group of protesters that had grown to about 25 people on day three. I felt drawn to talk to him, but I was fearful. Would I encounter openness or hostility? The Holy Spirit lifted my fear and filled me with courage.

I introduced myself and expressed a desire to learn about his view. He voiced heartfelt concern for women not ready for pregnancy. He doesn’t believe in forcing women to carry to term, especially in cases of rape and health risks. I agreed those are tough situations, commended his compassion, and discussed it further.

I sat and listened to his concerns such as taking away choices from women and caring about children who are unloved in foster care. We discussed the humanity of the unborn and equality of all human beings. I found common ground including agreement that third trimester abortions should be illegal. It was heartbreaking to hear him speak of losing his mom, and of the racism he’s experienced as a Muslim in the U.S. He was genuinely interested in hearing a different perspective on abortion.

Then the conversation took an unexpected turn. Harper said to me, “I think I can trust you with this information. My girlfriend was raped and had an abortion two years ago.” My heart sank, and I could see the pain in his eyes and hear it in his voice. I asked how she’s doing. He said she’s having a really rough time, and he has felt helpless the past two years. She is going through counseling which has been beneficial for her. I expressed my sorrow and just listened.

Then I had an aha moment! His view on abortion was being influenced by his girlfriend’s pain. Because of my willingness to invest time listening and sharing genuine compassion, Harper finally let his guard down. And now I knew where to go next.

I commended his desire to alleviate suffering. I agreed that life is hard and that it’s not a matter of if we will face tough life challenges, but when! We should take advantage of learning from each challenge, instead of trying to escape from it. I revisited our earlier discussion of God and faith. Here’s a portion of what I said:

I tried handling some of my toughest trials on my own, but I failed miserably. Laying my problems at God’s feet and asking for help had the opposite result. I’m not implying that my problems were solved immediately, but I was better equipped to endure the bumpy road. A cancer diagnosis was one of the best things to ever happen to me. I had nowhere to go but to God, and He drew me close to Him in a way I’d never experienced. It could have been a very dark time, but instead, I felt so much peace. That life-changing event prepared me for future challenges including a severe health issue that nearly took my life two years ago. A woman who perseveres through an unwanted pregnancy can learn exponential life lessons that no money can buy. She can inspire the world. God has no limits.

Harper was pro-choice at the start of this conversation and believed a woman should have a right to an abortion for any reason at any time. At the end he believed abortion should only be allowed for cases of rape, incest, and health of the mother in the first trimester only. At the end he was opposed to the majority of abortions, which was a huge change. Harper said,

“Thanks for having this conversation. It’s been really good and refreshing, and I’ve really enjoyed it. You have a lot of great knowledge that’s been helpful to me. It’s good to learn what “pro-life” really means. I believe your group has every right to be here [remember, he was a protester], and I appreciate the way you’re attempting to dialogue with students. I think that’s healthy.” As he started to walk away, I told him that I would be thinking of him and his girlfriend, praying for them, and that I hope she starts feeling better soon. He said, “Thank you. I really appreciate that. I really do.”

Good, solid pro-life arguments are crucial in a dialogue with a pro-choice advocate, but they must always be combined with patience, listening, compassion, asking questions, and finding common ground. These qualities help us to love all three— the woman, the child, and those who disagree—equally. Then we can look for an opportunity to share the reason for our hope. I believe that God was the one that softened Harper’s heart and helped him move away from his hardcore pro-choice beliefs.

In Christ,

Tammy Cook

I Didn't See This Coming (Instagram Link)

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"Through this conversation, I was reminded that I cannot really know another person or his beliefs until I take the time to ask questions and hear him out. I never know what God might do, even in the heart of a student that seems closed off." -Kaitlyn Donihue, JFA Trainer

Click here to read about Kaitlyn's surprising encounter at Fort Lewis College last year.

Mary Jumped Right In!

“Naturally gifted at public speaking, Mary quickly learns the material she will be presenting to pro-life advocates while also allowing her personality to bring joy to the conversation, even in the midst of discussing the heavy subject of abortion. Teaching Mary to present JFA material has been a delightful process for me.” - Rebecca Hotovy, JFA Speaking Coach

This was the perfect semester for Mary St. Hilaire to make her entrance into the JFA community as an intern. Given the COVID-19 shutdown, that may sound odd, but God knew the type of people we would need for this particular season.

Mary was eager to finally start the internship for which she’d been preparing. In anticipation, she said,

“Justice For All (JFA) is a group that I have known about and loved for several years now because of the way they approach the pro-life movement. JFA's goal is to educate people, specifically college students, on the reality of abortion and the humanity of the unborn through respectful dialogue. JFA's approach is not one of hate, judgment, or condescension, but of love, understanding, and openness. This is what attracted me to them. My passion for the pro-life movement put in me the urge to do more to save the lives of the innocent, and JFA is truly the perfect fit for me.”

We soon realized she was right, and that she was also a great fit for us!

I had the privilege in 2019 of following up with Mary several times about her desire to impact the injustice of abortion. Through our phone calls, her application, and the interview process it became clear that Mary genuinely wanted to help, was willing to work hard, and would enhance our team. She didn’t disappoint.

Hailing from the Lincoln, Nebraska area, Mary took her faith, her unbending pro-life convictions, her work ethic, her joy, and her sense of humor to Wichita, Kansas and didn’t look back. We could see that her family had prepared and encouraged her in some amazing ways!

Mary started as an intern in late January and quite quickly jumped into her two main tasks — creating conversations on college campuses (becoming a trusted advocate on our team) and learning our speaking material well enough to be able to contribute to our training events within weeks.

This semester will always be remembered for the impact of COVID-19 on our society, the shutdown of schools, the cancelling of events, and how it pushed our ministry to enhance our outreach and training tools online. It changed our plans, but it didn’t ruin our mission. This cultural moment has allowed us to take new chances, learn new things, and it was actually the perfect semester for Mary to start with us.

We are so thankful for the way our schedule worked out, abnormally packed for February. Mary started the semester off with a total of 11 outreach days and 4 interactive training events. She also helped in our office and learned speaking parts, making for a wild six weeks. If the schedule had been lighter, she would have had far less practice by the time the COVID-19 shutdown happened. Instead, she emerged a much stronger advocate through events in Denton, Albuquerque, San Antonio, and Dallas. By the time she completed our spring break mission trip at UT Dallas (March 9-11), Mary had also successfully contributed to our training seminars by delivering our “One Central Question” section (aimed at simplifying the abortion conversation), and she did a great job. She was polished, energetic, clear, and enjoyable to watch.

The Dallas trip helped all aspects of Mary’s job come together in a dynamic way. She helped with the speaking and brought a good amount of experience to outreach conversations there at UT Dallas. The mission trip team had enjoyable team building experiences together as well.

Mary in a conversation at UT Dallas, the last location where we held an outreach event before the COVID-19 crisis caused us all to change our plans.

Posting in March about her internship experience, Mary said,

“If I had to choose the single most important thing I’ve gained from interning with Justice For All these past two months it would most definitely be a new kind of love for all humans. In conversing with so many people from various races, religions, states, and even countries, getting to know them on a personal level, sharing my beliefs with them, and searching for the truth alongside of them, I have come to realize that my love does not have to be limited to only those with whom I share the same views. I knew this in my head, but until I actually participated in outreach, I didn’t know it in my heart. Through respectful dialogue I have been able to actually understand opposite viewpoints and beliefs for the first time in a totally new way. I have been able to find common ground and mutual interests with people I previously would’ve thought I could never talk to, and I have been able to positively impact students I thought would never want to hear my view.

“Each conversation I’ve had has brought me closer to an understanding of what Jesus’ words “Love your neighbor” truly mean. He didn’t mean “just be nice to your neighbor and put up with them.” No. He wants us to unconditionally love the people around us, despite their beliefs, their backgrounds, or their lifestyles. He wants us to take time to get to know them, listen to them, pray for them, help them, and love them as he loves us—without exception. Every single person I’ve talked to on campus holds a special place in my heart. I loved getting to know all of them, telling them about myself, and discussing the hard topic of abortion as well as other important issues with them. I think about them individually all the time, and I pray for them on a regular basis. I love them, not because we believe the same things, we’re from the same place, or raised the same way, but simply because they are children of God.

“I used to be scared to meet people who I disagree with spiritually, politically, or morally. Now, I jump at the chance to meet people of different beliefs! I find it intriguing and exciting to learn new religious, political, or moral views, and I love being able to share my beliefs and passions with them. For me, there is nothing more rewarding than meeting, knowing, and loving the people I meet through this work. JFA is by far one of the greatest blessings of my life, and I’m looking forward to the rest of my internship here!”

After our trip in early March, we decided to limit travel, and then within a week or so most schools were shut down anyway. Still, this didn’t shut down Mary’s internship. To the contrary, she pushed ahead with her speaking parts, learning several more sections of our seminar this past month. She is ready to assist with online trainings in the coming months and at in-person events when those return. Just last week, Mary was a significant contributor for our webinar. See upcoming webinars at JFA’s Calendar Page.

Mary has also been instrumental in helping us pivot during this time by being more active online with Instagram, Facebook, and other social media platforms. She’s worked hard to connect with pro-choice folks and to encourage pro-life students, and along the way she has encouraged the rest of our staff with some specific skills she brings.

Spending Spring Break with JFA

Angelique (second from left), the pro-life club president at Trinity University, engages students at UT Dallas in conversation during her spring break with JFA.

In February, our team held outreach events at two schools in San Antonio in one trip. For the Trinity University event, we were invited by the president of the Tigers for Life, Angelique. As for UTSA, we had been working with their pro-life club’s outreach chair for years before finally getting to do outreach on campus this spring. We also did training seminar events with both of them last fall.

Our spring break team at UT Dallas

After our successful outreach events with them in San Antonio, we asked both of them if they wanted to join us two weeks later at the University of Texas at Dallas (UT Dallas) since our events there took place during their spring break. They each decided to abandon their spring break plans to come to Dallas with us.

There they joined Mariana and Thomas, from Benedictine College, who also spent their spring break with us. We all had three amazing days of outreach at UT Dallas. The day that trip ended, the quarantine and stay-at-home orders started to be issued, so we finished the trip with God’s perfect timing. Judging from the response we got from these student leaders, they really were glad that they spent their spring break not on a beach vacation, but at outreach with Justice For All changing their peers’ minds about abortion, one person at a time.

“I am so grateful I went on a mission trip with Justice For All over spring break! It was a time of growth, intentional dialogue, and deepening of faith . . . I learned a lot of interesting viewpoints, and I was deeply moved by some of the heartbreaking reasons why people are pro-choice . . . It was truly amazing to see a variety of different people’s strengths and talents come together and impact students on campus. Abortion is not something to be ignored, no matter how hard the conversation is. I can bet the students at UT Dallas will be talking about the JFA exhibit for years to come, leading to a domino effect of conversations. Overall, I feel strengthened in my own faith through this mission, especially in learning how to do my part in a mission and surrendering the rest to God.”
— Mariana (Freshman, Benedictine College)

Mariana in action at UT Dallas

Thomas (green shirt) having conversations with pro-choice protestors

“I was amazed at how many conversations really changed people’s views on the issue of abortion—rarely a 180 degree turnaround, but more often than that, I found even sharing the perspective we were coming from helped open people’s minds more on the subject. I was especially impacted by seeing how each day the protestors became less hostile in their attitude and more open to dialogue.”
— Thomas (Sophomore, Benedictine College)

Catch JFA on Facebook Live Tomorrow!

Event Info

To attend one of our upcoming webinar events, go to the JFA Calendar Page to get more information and register. We are also regularly adding new online events to the calendar. Watch for those, or contact us if you’d like to book a webinar event.

Equal Rights (Instagram Links)

Rebecca Hotovy talks about the basis for equal rights with a pro-choice student at CSU. They discuss the logical consequences of two popular views. (Part 1 o...
Watch Rebecca Hotovy (Haschke) talk with a student at Colorado State University about the foundation for our equal rights. --- Read Outreach Stories: www.jfa...